Validate YOU, Validate Them!
Wednesday June 8, 2011
So let me preface this post by saying that I am not a mom but a stepmom & did not have the kids full time. I also am honest enough to say that I was not the best stepmom when they were young. I was young. I never really had instincts to be a mom so at 25 with 3 stepchildren, it was a mystery to me. We learn from our mistakes. BUT, I DO WANT to help children out of this obesity crisis we have in this country.. and yes, I want to help adults too. So I will be writing about both when certain thoughts or shows or actions make me think to write about it!
ON TO THE POST!
Back on one of Oprah's last shows, she had a guest, Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison. See below for the lesson:
"One of Oprah's favorite lessons comes from Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison and the question she asked of all parents: When your child walks in the room, does your face light up?
"When my children used to walk in the room, when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up," she told Oprah in 2000. "You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you're caring for them. It's not. When they see you, they see the critical face. But if you let your face speak what's in your heart...because when they walked in the room, I was glad to see them. It's just as small as that, you see."
Toni's comment has become one of The Oprah Show's most profound lessons and has touched the hearts of many viewers—including Gennece, who says that hearing Toni's lesson changed her. "My daughter ended up dying of cancer," she says. "And the last two years [of her life], every time she would come home—whether it was from chemo or a party or the grocery store—I would always say, 'Niecy's home! Niecy's home!' And she would get so excited. ... That made a difference in my life. And now when children are in my space, it's authentic that my eyes light up, because my heart lights up."
I wanted to quote this verbatim because it tells the message so well - better than what I could write here.... AND A CONTINUATION FROM MY YESTERDAY POST.
Toni even told a story about how one of her children came in to show her a picture he had drawn. She was busy reading something but looked up, briefly smiled & went back to what she was doing. The child ripped up the picture & threw it away. Toni asked why & he said it was because it was obvious she did not like it. It is what the child perceived! Children do see, hear & listen!
I think we all need validation, children & adults alike. Oprah discussed that in her last show. Adults need it too.. to be seen and to be heard.
Let your children know that you appreciate them. Validate their good deeds & behaviors... BUT also do this for yourself & others as well. We all need to know that people see us & hear us.... it is NOT selfish - validation is a great thing!
PS: One more lesson from Toni that I think is a great one for all of us: After all these years, Toni has one more lesson to offer Oprah Show viewers: Everyone needs to have a place that is all theirs. "It's just a place where it's you," she says. "It can be creative, it can be a computer, it can be anything. It's your sacred place and you own it."
Does this make you think how you act & react to your children or other people. Are you just showing up OR are you showing up & in the present moment as well? Pass on your thoughts!
Don't forget the GIVEAWAY POST, Stress Less, Weigh Less!!!
So let me preface this post by saying that I am not a mom but a stepmom & did not have the kids full time. I also am honest enough to say that I was not the best stepmom when they were young. I was young. I never really had instincts to be a mom so at 25 with 3 stepchildren, it was a mystery to me. We learn from our mistakes. BUT, I DO WANT to help children out of this obesity crisis we have in this country.. and yes, I want to help adults too. So I will be writing about both when certain thoughts or shows or actions make me think to write about it!
ON TO THE POST!
Back on one of Oprah's last shows, she had a guest, Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison. See below for the lesson:
"One of Oprah's favorite lessons comes from Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison and the question she asked of all parents: When your child walks in the room, does your face light up?
"When my children used to walk in the room, when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up," she told Oprah in 2000. "You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you're caring for them. It's not. When they see you, they see the critical face. But if you let your face speak what's in your heart...because when they walked in the room, I was glad to see them. It's just as small as that, you see."
Toni's comment has become one of The Oprah Show's most profound lessons and has touched the hearts of many viewers—including Gennece, who says that hearing Toni's lesson changed her. "My daughter ended up dying of cancer," she says. "And the last two years [of her life], every time she would come home—whether it was from chemo or a party or the grocery store—I would always say, 'Niecy's home! Niecy's home!' And she would get so excited. ... That made a difference in my life. And now when children are in my space, it's authentic that my eyes light up, because my heart lights up."
I wanted to quote this verbatim because it tells the message so well - better than what I could write here.... AND A CONTINUATION FROM MY YESTERDAY POST.
Toni even told a story about how one of her children came in to show her a picture he had drawn. She was busy reading something but looked up, briefly smiled & went back to what she was doing. The child ripped up the picture & threw it away. Toni asked why & he said it was because it was obvious she did not like it. It is what the child perceived! Children do see, hear & listen!
I think we all need validation, children & adults alike. Oprah discussed that in her last show. Adults need it too.. to be seen and to be heard.
Let your children know that you appreciate them. Validate their good deeds & behaviors... BUT also do this for yourself & others as well. We all need to know that people see us & hear us.... it is NOT selfish - validation is a great thing!
PS: One more lesson from Toni that I think is a great one for all of us: After all these years, Toni has one more lesson to offer Oprah Show viewers: Everyone needs to have a place that is all theirs. "It's just a place where it's you," she says. "It can be creative, it can be a computer, it can be anything. It's your sacred place and you own it."
Does this make you think how you act & react to your children or other people. Are you just showing up OR are you showing up & in the present moment as well? Pass on your thoughts!
Don't forget the GIVEAWAY POST, Stress Less, Weigh Less!!!
Posted by truth2beingfit at 6/7/2011 9:03 PM 
Categories: Children, Life, Awareness, Inspiration, Inspirational Quotes, Love, Challenges, Life Experiences, Acceptance
Tags: acceptance awareness challenges children inspiration inspirational quotes life life experiences love validation Oprah
Categories: Children, Life, Awareness, Inspiration, Inspirational Quotes, Love, Challenges, Life Experiences, Acceptance
Tags: acceptance awareness challenges children inspiration inspirational quotes life life experiences love validation Oprah
I love the idea of acknowledging our loved ones when they come home.
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I think people tend to take those closet to them for granted but we need to appreciate & validate them!
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I saw that show and Toni's story has STUCK in my head.
As much as I want to guide my girl toward internal not external validation---at her age I know external is simply where she is developmentally.
I watch CLOSELY all the 'cues' Im exuding.
always.
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Carla, a great comment & yes, stuck with me too & I will remember this with the grandkids!
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Great post!! No kids here -- yet -- but I am bookmarking this...what a great lesson!
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Thank you for this reminder. It is too easy to get fixated on the minutia of parenting and lose track of the big picture that the most important piece is love.
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Karen, that is so true - thx for pointing that out!
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I actually have a pos-it not on mu computer that says...
I hear you
I see you
What you say to me means a lot to me...
Great post!
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Sian - I LOVE THAT NOTE!
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Yes yes yes!!! I remember that same episode and I try to practice it with everyone I know! I am not always successful, so thanks for the reminder!!
And as you know, I, too am a stepmother to three (now grown) and am a new grandma!! I never had much maternal instinct, but I also believe us non-mothers have some maternal wisdom that mothers themselves do not possess...
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Karen, yes, we need to do this we all ages!
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I think adults still like that face lighting up thingy with people too!
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Dr. J - YES THEY DO!
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Fantastic post!! I have a step son who was very heavy when he was young, we were always so concerned about his health but he did not live with us at the time, so it was a bit hard to be a good role model. He finally came to live with us when he turned 11, he was short and weighed about 190 lbs,we never said anything, we just showed him through our own actions about eating healthy and exercising daily. My son is now 21 and is in fantastic health, he reads labels and is now at a perfect weight for his height. Actions are so important, thanks for the post Jody
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Dana - this is a greta story & shows the power of how actions mean so much. Thx for sharing!
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No kids here, but I do try to make eye contact with everyone I encounter and to show genuine interest in our interactions. It helps that I'm usually genuinely interested.
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Cammy - I really loved your comment. And yes, this 50+ range - you are right... it is tough.. we are just there... I love that you just smile at people!
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This is a good lesson about how your treat the people in our lives in general. You never know how a simple word of praise or few minutes of your time listening and showing interest can affect a person's self-esteem.
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Karen - that i such a true statement! We can effect without knowing it!
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