Ditching the Guilt

Ahhh, Guilt.

And her partner-in-crime, BFF: Shame. This is a tough one, I think, for all of us. Even if we now claim to roll pretty much guilt-free none of us started out that way. Me? I come from a background where guilt is stereotypically our forte.

There are enough Jewish-guilt jokes to fill volumes of books (and movies. You seen Mother? I highly recommend it—Jewish or not) yet I know that we, Jews, definitely don’t have the market cornered on this one.

I think I’ve finally aged to a point where I live pretty guilt-free. I live 100% guilt-free when it comes to food & exercise and, when I feel guilty in other aspects of my life, 99.9% of the time it’s my conscience telling me that I acted in a manner which didn’t mesh with my self-definition or personal mission statement.

Healthy guilt lets us know that, in fact, we have done something hurtful or unkind.

BOTTOM LINE: All I can do is let you know the steps I took toward guilt-free living & hope that they spark an ‘ah ha!’ moment for you as well. That they might cause you to realized what will work for you with regards to releasing the guilt as I’ve found, like with exercise & diet, no two paths are precisely the same.

• PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY: It was only when I started to own my actions (and realized whatever I did was a choice and not an accident) was I able to assume responsibility over my life.   This idea, as I’ve said before, is entirely freeing for me. I control my destiny for the majority of events in my life!
• REALIZING I’M HUMAN Before I was able to live without feeling guilty about every damn thing— it was crucial for me to acknowledge I felt guilt because what I’d done wasn’t in alignment with how I saw myself didn’t help me grow closer to achieving my goals. Once I realized that and was able to love myself anyway, I was on my way…
• FORGIVE MYSELF Two simple words and yet so tough to do. When we feel guilty about something we essentially wish we’d made a different choice about, we feel emotionally ‘bad’ about the choice we made. I needed to learn it was ok to forgive myself. It isn’t that I no longer acknowledge the fact I wish I’d behaved differently in certain situations—I just morphed from GUILT (which to me is self-punishing) to REGRET (which to me is a feeling emotion I can learn from). I now forgive myself, learn from my actions, and try to move forward. Which brings me to…
• MOVE FORWARD I realized if I didn't release the baggage of guilt I‘d be stuck in the same place with regards to personal growth for quite a while. Not only does guilt bring along the sidekick of shame– but the two hanging out together result in that general malaise we all know as low self-esteem/low self-worth. Remember when we talked about how to take a compliment? Do you struggle with that? Are you one who oft carries around guilt-baggage, too? I thought so…

About the author: Carla Birnberg is an award winning writer, community builder, personal trainer, and bodybuilding competitor. She was also named by Austin Fit magazine as one of Austin’s 10 fittest Moms.

Share your thoughts on guilt, what Carla had to say & anything you can offer up to help those of us with guilt!