A Trip To  Costco

Yesterday I was at my local  Costco buying a large bag of  Purina  dog
chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, The  Wonder Dog, and I was in the  
checkout line when a woman  behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did  she think I had, an elephant?
So,  since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that,
no, I didn't have a dog; I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I  added that I probably shouldn't, because I  ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd  lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an  intensive care ward with tubes coming  out of most of my orifices and  I.V.s in both arms.

I told her that it  was essentially a perfect diet and that the  way
that it works is to load your pants  pockets with Purina nuggets  and
simply eat one or two every  time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it  works well, and I was going to try it again.
(I  have to mention here that practically  everyone in line was now enthralled with my
story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in  intensive care because the
dog  food poisoned me.  I told her no, I  stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the  guy behind her was going to have a heart attack  he
was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there  anymore.
 
If there's a moral to this  true-life adventure, it is that  you
better watch what you ask  retired people. They have all the time in  the
world to think of crazy  things to say.