Can Parents Help Their Daughters Avoid The "Fat Trap"? Family Stuff; Gift Card Winner
Growing up, I never remember having a good self image of myself. Honestly. As far back as I can think about, I was always self-conscious & never thought I was as good as the "other person" or friend. I am not sure what started this but I do know that my mom had a struggle with her own self-image. I do remember that. My mom was mentally abused by her mother & there may have been some physical abuse too, I don't know for a fact, but I do know mental abuse. I knew my mother's mom so I do recall her well. She was not a nice person. Yes, she was my grandmother BUT not nice.I know that we can't put all the blame on our parents as we do grow up & at some point, we do have to take responsibility for our own actions BUT those things that happen in our youth, the family relationships & interactions DO have impact on how we feel about ourselves & what actions we take to either combat them or maybe fall into the trap of them.
I have read many a blog about these "relationships" & the toll these relationships take & the fight the blogger has to get past "the past" and find a way to be their own person - to be happy, productive, successful as who they are & not "them as a result of past issues".
My sis Bethe passed this article on to me & I wanted to share with you all & get your perspective on what you think. Reading this, you have to wonder if instead of just acting the act like part of the article says below, that parents have to have an "active discussion" with their children about all this. No, we don't want to put thoughts in their head, but, out there, they will face it anyways so maybe we not only have to walk the walk BUT talk the talk too! Discuss openly with kids about all of this.
I don't have my own children & the stepdaughters did not grow up in our house so I am asking you all out there to chime in.
Read the article below & leave your thoughts!
Can Parents Help Their Daughters Avoid the "Fat Trap"?
As far as I can remember, I have always had a complicated relationship with food. As a twenty-one-year old college student, I go through periods where I wonder if I'll ever really love my body - feelings that are often followed by waves of feminist guilt. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, but already, I am afraid that I'll pass them on to my (long-distant) daughter or my more present three-year-old half-sisters. How escapable is the near-pervasive body hatred that many American women experience? And can mothers help their daughters prevent it? Your thoughts??? Please join the discussion! Also, the winner of the $20 Dick's Gift Card is: Diane from Fit to the Finish! YES, Diane, Random Number chose you! Email me with your mailing address!
Peggy Orenstein, in this week's New York Times Magazine, tackles the question of how mothers can help their daughters stay healthy and love their bodies. She puts two sets of statistics next to each other - childhood obesity and eating disorders - and asks how she, as a parent, can reconcile them. The answer is somewhat depressing. Despite Orenstein's attempts to model a "sane" approach to food, by "pointedly" enjoying what she eats, refusing the urge to step on a scale, and rejecting calorie-counting, she concludes,
"Still, my daughter lives in the world. She watches Disney movies. She plays with Barbies. So although I was saddened, I was hardly surprised one day when, at 6 years old, she looked at me, frowned and said, 'Mama, don’t get f-a-t, O.K.?'"
Orenstein's only consolation? "At least she didn't hear it from me."
Growing up, my mother refused to let Barbies or junk food in the house. She discouraged Disney movies and, as far as I know, never made a negative comment about her own appearance in my presence. She did, when I was older, tell me about experiences with eating disorders in college, but by this time, I was already entrenched in a war with my body that lasted until my senior year of high school. Now, I wonder why I, too, wasn't able to escape the "fat trap," despite my mother's best efforts.
But I have a few ideas. First of all, it's a mistake to place all of the responsibility for modeling and promoting positive body image on the mother; in heterosexual parent couples, the father should be equally thoughtful and active. Growing up, my father was the person who allowed us treats, who bought junk food on the weekends when my mother was away, and this made healthy eating seem like her realm, something imposed on me rather than something that I might choose for myself. Early on, I learned to associate denial with the female body.
I also wonder what would have to happen before we didn't have to think about how we would talk to young girls about their bodies, before mothers and sisters could stop worrying about how they can camouflage their tangled relationships with their self image. Even Orenstein admits that her "studied unconcern" is "unnatural," and I bet her daughter can sense that there is something being hidden. Should we just accept this as a depressing truth? Absolutely not. But more needs to be done than simply encouraging mothers to disguise their discomfort with their bodies.
AND, Happy Anniversary to my oldest stepdaughter Stephanie & hubby, Jerry! I know, an older pic but they still look like this!
Categories: Challenges, Child obesity, Weight Loss, Dieting, Family
Tags: Weight Loss Diets lifestyle acceptance food family Dick's Sporting Goods childhood obesity Believing challenges children choices
I know of nobody, NOBODY, who wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror, and says "God damn I look good." Nobody. Waitm scratch that. I know of no women who do that, but plenty of men.
Poor body image is one of the unintended consequences of our capitalist, free-market economy. Those who read this and wish to dispute it can contact me privately at emergefit@gmail.com for a clinic on all the reasons why I am right.
I am fitness professional and have been for nearly 30 years. I have a 20-year old daughter who is a bit heavy, but fairly confident with herself despite being a few pounds overweight in a Disney world. She is comfortable with herself, not because of my fitness agenda, but because I never pushed fitness, leanness, or the concept of being shape upon her.
I cultured her eating with a simple rule I learned on on Sesame Street; there are "sometimes" food and "always" foods. That rule is the only discussion we have ever had regarding what to eat. For the most part it has worked, and I have tried hard to lead by example.
In a soft drink world, I have not seen my daughter drink anything but water in 10 years. I know she looks at the size 2s of the world and has a bit of envy in her eyes. But she lives well, walks a lot and is (failry) happy with what she has.
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Roy, as always, full of pertinent & great info!!! My self-image was a mixture of in the home, being overweight & teased by kids and also, yes, the media, especially as I got older. Hell, it still get to me now. Things have not changed much & in fact, I think more pressure to look good. I agree... corporate greed!
Your daughter sounds great!
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You know I've had a rough life with my weight from childhood to today, but one thing I never felt like it was either parents fault.
People, I believe, like to blame others for their conditions. Its an excuse to not hold themselves accountable about their weight. Once I found help in Nutrisystem for a tool, I made the decision this IS going to work this time.
I feel sorry for anyone who lived in a negative home don't get me wrong, but we need to be careful not to blame others when we are the ones that open our mouth and insert food.
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Sheri, I agree BUT as a youngster, the parents bring in the food & set what we see as normal so I think it has to start there with being a good role model & instilling healthier behaviors. As adults, we do need to take accountability!
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With the media constantly bombarding our daughters with images of super thin women, it's impossible to completely protect them from certain things. I try to teach my daughter to be "healthy" not "thin".
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Karen.. love that.. be healthy & strong & fit.. not thin.
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I'm fortunate to have grown up in a home where I was loved at any size or shape. Most of my negative self-image was based on media/celebrity influence. And sad to say, on the actions of other women.
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Cammy, yes, I agree.. tough but it is so....
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Great POST! I am going through the daughter body image right now. It is so hard and a very fine line about what to tell her about her body image and what to eat. We only stock our house with healthy food but it seems like there are so many family/ friends that are constantly feeding her the wrong food. So hard especially with little girls...
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Sian, yes, this is the thing.. it comes from all directions. All we can do is try to instill good habits...
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This was a great post, thank you for this.
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I worry so much about my nieces. The 5 year old came home from school a couple weeks ago and said all the other girls were skinny and she was fat. 5 years old! She didn't say anyone called her fat, but how else would she think that at 5 years old? And how do you control what goes on and how other children talk to yours?
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Lori.. jeez, 5 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is just sh*t that this goes on!
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Loved the post. Stealing the husbandsninflight internt
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Miz, whenever you get to it. I know we all are eager to hear your opinion since you show Tornado all the good stuff about being strong!
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This one's a bear. I have heard all kinds of reasons given for weight struggles-- my mother limited me to one dessert a day, my dad didn't limit me, my grandpa said I was fat. Could it be that most of us want a certain body type that is just really hard to achieve, period? My own bias is that the most slimming environment is drasticly difficult for modern Americans-- regular meals cooked at home. I so wish we could look at weight purely as a health issue. We here in the fitness blogosphere know that you can be overfat and still be hard-working, eat incredibly well, work out regularly, etc. In the larger world you still run into this really maddening bias that too much fat is a character flaw.
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Larkspur, great points & thank you for commenting!
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I agree with Roy! Our economy is dependent on making people feel inadequate (and fearful).
I think with kids, it a crap shoot. I know some who copied the good examples of their parents, and some who didn't. At least with setting a good example, as with my recent column on monkeys and exercise, the monkeys benefited.
PS Elmo for president!
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Dr. J.. all we can do is try, I guess....OK, Elmo!
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