Keeping Women Motivated, the FJ Way; Giveaway Winner
Motivation... we all struggle with this. How to keep at eating healthy & exercising life long. There are the plateaus, the parties, the family, the friend stuff, work & how many other things that tug at our motivation to keep those steps moving forward each day! Personally, I think motivation is as individual as you are as a person. We have to find what motivates us to keep going no matter what. What motivates me may not motivate you and vice versa. We can learn from one another but we all have to find what works for us.So, FJ, who writes this on his site: "While he has a passion for writing and oozes the entrepreneurial spirit, FJ is a Fitness Expert first, and focuses on impeccably accurate advice that is delivered it in a straight forward, No-BS style - agreed to write a motivation post for me.
Now, to let you all know, FJ is a no BS type of guy & he does us some "language" so be prepared for that! Hey, I swear myself but not too often in my posts. It is good practice for me not to since my hubby calls me a "potty mouth"! :-O Also, I may not agree with all FJ writes BUT I think it lends itself to great discussion! You will see after reading it! For example, I never wanted children although I have 3 stepchildren and I am a terrible cook! You will understand this when you read his post! I do not agree with all FJ has to say but he is coming from a different perspective than me! And in FJ's defense, recently I read another post from a man with sort of similar points..... Men & women think differently!
Ha, not!
But still, I do read her blog. At first I was thinking to myself “Jody is in bangin’ shape for her age, I would think she’s like the most qualified person ever to motivate women of every skill level”. And I still stand by this statement. However, I usually have an unusual way of doing things, so if it helps someone… why the fuck wouldn’t I share?
So ladies, let me say right off the bat that I am not going to get fluffy with you all. There will be no kittens, mittens or cute pandas sliding down rainbows… I will be getting to the root psychology of things and will keep this process as real and as down to earth as I can. I will go over 2 of my personal favorite motivational techniques that I tend to use with women.
1. Handling The “Why?”
Handling “why” someone should bother getting their ass in gear has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to look into. I mean, why should a woman bother keeping fit? Why should she watch what she eats? Why should she bother dressing up, or making her hair or putting on make up?
WHY?!
Because it’s essential to her survival, that’s why. An unfit/unhealthy mother (statistically) has a higher chance of dying during childbirth than a healthy/fit one. Even if she does survive childbirth, an unhealthy mother won’t be able to care for her offspring optimally… again, statistically speaking. Don’t get me wrong, both mothers will love unconditionally, but physically being able to care and keep up is a whole different game.
Then we have reproduction itself – essential to the survival of our species. Our genes want to do one thing and one thing only… and that is replicate. So a woman who takes zero care of herself will have limited options when it comes to mates… or even worse, have no options what-so-ever. And the reason isn’t because men are “shallow”… it’s because we are born to detect indicators on women. When we see a woman with a perfect “hour glass” hip to waist ratio, we know that she will be able to mother children and survive child birth. When we see long, lustrous and shiny hair, we know that she is most probably healthy and takes good care of herself.
THIS IS NOT A CONSCIOUS PROCESS. It’s un-conscious and it actually happens so fast, we barely have time to contemplate.
People think our society is “superficial” because people are assholes… as if being superficial just started happening in this 21st century. Hell no. This is just a term made up by people who were lazy and had absolutely no value to give, in anyway shape or from. When a girlfriend dumps his poor chap of a boyfriend to be with a stronger man, she isn’t being superficial and she most definitely isn’t being a “slut”. This is her core telling her that she has a higher chance at producing healthier, stronger and fitter offspring to benefit our species in the long run. Can you really blame her?
When in doubt, look at the bigger picture and it all makes sense.
So let’s get back to the surface, because that got a lil deep. I have a lot, a LOT of good looking, fit female friends. I literally consider these girls “BFFs” and all that cuddly shit… and when you are this tight with a bunch of good looking women, patterns arise. It doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure out that they have it easier in life than their less-fit counter parts.
But make no mistake about it, not all of them were “handed” everything in life. This is a common mistake when people judge based on false pretense. I mean sure, there are always the genetically gifted individuals, but the women I know bust their ass and live very, very active lifestyles. And it shows. Besides throwing up excuses at me, I don’t see why any other women can’t be in their position. None.
In fact, the benefits that women can reap in today’s world… JUST by being physically fit & healthy far outweigh the benefits of any man having 6 pack abs and ripped arms. This includes myself. This statement alone should be reason enough to work on yourself, bit by bit, everyday.
Another real-world example are the girls from The Biggest Loser. They lose a bunch of weight and “magically” start getting asked out all the time. The ignorant person would say that all those men asking her out are “shallow” …but as of right now, you know better.
2. Chick Strength
Let’s take a direct U-Turn from the previous technique. While psychological motivation is ridiculously important, so is empirical evidence. Too many women out there are afraid of shit… like weights (well, except Jody). So what I like to do is have them perform all of the “manly” lifts such as the bench press, squat, deadlift, powercleans & military press for a few weeks to prove that:
A. They can be just as strong as men (to a degree)
B. Weights aren’t scary if used properly
C. They will not get huge! (This one is so key!)
By the time I am through with these adorable sweethearts, they are so adept at these exercises… I bet they could make half the guys in the gym look like complete tools. And as a side note, a woman doing a barbell deadlift totally gets me excited in my pants. Consequently, A woman balancing on a bosu ball lifting 3lbs dumbbells week after week makes me throw up in my mouth.
So there you have it, a deep look into how I do things with female clients. This isn’t the end-all-be-all as far as motivational techniques are concerned so take out of it what you will. While I do have a greater number of male clients VS female clients enrolled in my E-Training program, I have to say that it’s the women that always make the biggest leaps in progress. They are also far better cooks so sticking to meal plans is much easier for them… where as dudes are always like “uhhh I have this and this ingredient, what can I make out of it?”
So what are you waiting for? Slap on those Yoga pants and get cracking!
- FitJerk
Thoughts & discussion. Fire away!
Winner of the book giveaway - What Should I Do With the Rest of My Life - is:
Jules from Big Girl Bombshell with this comment: I am not only writing my end chapter, I am re-writing the whole book. I am taking on a healthier lifestyle all the way around and I am moving forward to finally at 49 to pursue the things I have always said I wanted!
Jules, email me your full name & mailing address & I will pass that on to TLC Book Tours who will have the publisher send you your signed copy of the book!
Thx to all of you that commented on this giveaway! Really great thought provoking comments!
Categories: Wellness, Challenges, Motivation/Support, Tips, workout
Tags: challenges Tips workouts Wellness
Like being busy, being strong is a good problem to have -- especially for women.
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I agree.. there is good & bad to this but if we had not passed it now, we all know that it would never have made it back for another vote & at least we can now try to make it better. From my understanding, that is what happened with many of the other major legislation for this country. I hope for the best! At least there are some important things that will happen right away.
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I have to be honest, I was a little amused and a little put off by this post. Could this guy be any more chauvinistic?
I've been lifting weights since I was about 20. In the beginning I did it to look good in jeans. It did make childbirth easier. I did return to lifting weights to keep me fit so I could keep up the demands of parenting. Now I do it to maintain my strength and vitality as I age.
However, I am quite sure that the average man doesn't have a woman's child birthing capability on his mind when he is asking out a woman. There isn't a lot of lean muscle on the typical super model, but they seem to do pretty well with the opposite sex.
A fit, healthy body is physically attractive. However, if a woman's motivation for working out was purely to attract men for reproductive purposes, there would be no reason for the over 40 crowd to get off the couch. I can only speak for myself, but my motivation for working out has nothing to do with attracting a man like FJ. LOL!
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Karen, I hear ya. FJ does take a different approach on things!
When I first started loosing weight & working out, I was young & I admit, I wanted to look better for men but now, it has nothing to do with that. Even in my 30's, it did not.
Again, I have read some "interesting" posts from other men, so men, chime in!
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Hmm, chauvinistic... that's a lil extreme but I'll take that as a compliment for now. While you are entitled to your opinion, lets deal with where you went off the tracks a lil. Just to make things a bit clear.
"In the beginning I did it to look good in jeans. It did make childbirth easier. I did return to lifting weights to keep me fit..."
- No shit huh? That was my prime point which you proved quite well.
"However, I am quite sure that the average man doesn't have a woman's child birthing capability on his mind when he is asking out a woman."
- You should read the details, specially the part where I said this process is UNCONSCIOUS. Which means we DON'T have this on our minds.
"However, if a woman's motivation for working out was purely to attract men for reproductive purposes, there would be no reason for the over 40 crowd..."
- Oh but there is plenty of reasons for the over-40 crowd. First of all, mothers don't stop being mothers till a child is what? 16? 18? That's a long ass time. Second, general well being was one of the OBVIOUS reasons, but that was implied so I didn't spend time on that one.
Cool? Good. Big ups for chiming in.
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Perhaps as with doctors, I never needed to like them, only appreciate the results they could achieve with their skills.
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I always love your comments!
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enjoyed reading fj's comments. always neat to get a glimpse of what's going on inside the head of a man.
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YUP, always interesting to see inside the mind of a man!
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Good stuff.
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WOW! How cool is that! Reading a post and to see I am a winner! NICE! Thanks Jody. And just for the sake of conversation, I have read many of FJ's posts and they don't motivate me at all. Just me, but they p**s me off. I grew up with men like that and it is a big part of the reason, I have been overweight all my life! The attitude that putting on make-up and looking good is essential for HER survival is BS. Would you tell a man the same thing? Women have MUCH more substance than that and unfortunately MANY women struggle with weight loss because they want to be seen as a person NOT an object. Just my opinion! But great posts because it makes us look at our differences.
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Jules, congrats! I know you will love this book!
I knew FJ's post would create discussion & I told him that. You know, when I was young, it was all about looking good for the guys. Once I hit my 30's, not so much & my whole motivation for working out was not about that. But it is interesting to hear a man's side to this & I hope other men chime in.
FJ has a lot of good workout info & I like that & his straight forward & blatant honesty even if we battle this part of his thinking! I guess I am old enough to challenge FJ! FJ, are you listening. a challenge!
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Heh imagine that, ME pissing someone off. That like, NEVER happens! /end sarcasm.
hah, but let me enlighten you a little, even if you don't like me(which is cool... really), cuz that's how I roll.
"I grew up with men like that and it is a big part of the reason, I have been overweight all my life!"
- BULL-SHIT. No you did NOT grow up with men like me because the men you explain sound like assholes. Big difference. I will not be nor am I ever an asshole to any woman that's overweight, specially if they are clients. Get real.
"The attitude that putting on make-up and looking good is essential for HER survival is BS.."
- Key point is "looking good for her "survival" and no, its not BS. It's evolutionary psychology. You might want to research before debunking it.
But you know what? it's not even about looking good, its about looking "healthy". Don't believe me? Go do an experiment. Shove a naturally healthy girl with minimal make-up into a bar vs someone whos "not as healthy" and see who gets approached more often. JUST APPROACHED, they don't have to do shit. I think you know the answer. So don't think I'm an asshole when I help women drop the lbs and make sure THEY are the ones that get approached... and were just talking in terms of female/male attraction. The health benefits and increased energy is a whole another story.
"Would you tell a man the same thing?"
- Uh NO, because a man's survival value is NOT based on his hip-to-waist ratio since we don't have to give birth, thats an entirely different beast to tackle.
"Women have MUCH more substance than that and unfortunately..."
- Of course they do, I doubt I ever denied that.
"MANY women struggle with weight loss because they want to be seen as a person NOT an object..."
- Technically the only reason any woman (or man) would struggle with weight loss is because her eating habits and exercise program is outta whack. There is no other way around it. calories in vs calories burnt. But psychologically speaking, if they have been picked on/etc then it's a way to prove to the world (and to themselves) what they can achieve. But everyone is unique when it comes to psychological problems.
... Now hopefully that brings new light to things. But my prediction is that you resented everything and will continue to do so. No worries.
@Jody - Oh I'm listening girl. You always bring the heat, and I like that shit.
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Funny how reading a man's perspective that is so far removed from my husband's perspective in a lot of ways.
I love these 3 things, though:
A. They can be just as strong as men (to a degree)
B. Weights aren’t scary if used properly
C. They will not get huge! (This one is so key!)
I totally agree with those!!
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Lori, thx for your comment! My hubby is nothing like this either so I hope other men respond to this post.
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Not ALL men think alike
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Very interesting post Jody! And congratulations to Jules, whose blog I adore!
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I've heard that attraction isn't a choice and on that topic from a male perspective a girl who knows how to take care of herself is attractive to me
1. A girl wearing make-up usually doesn't lead to me approaching her. I prefer a more natural look.
2. Girls in the gym who just go in and run on a treadmill everyday for 20 minutes and leave give them self no value to me. I like seeing when girls in the gym are working effectively with their choice of exercises. A girl who looks as if she's taking care of herself becomes that much more attractive to me even if she does not have that typical sociological "hot look" to her.
3. A bigger girl does not make me think she takes care of herself and without even talking to her automatically has devalued herself.
4. I consider myself to be different then most males in many ways. I personally know FJ, he can tell you i don't think in what would be considered a typical male shallow way, and yet look what i naturally am more attracted to and more likely to approach. A girl who has a natural look to her, who appears to take care of herself, and above all someone who isn't insecure and can have fun....i'm single ladies...
Point 4 might be a little repetitive from my previous points, but these are just my quick thoughts.
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Thx for commenting from the other side! As I mentioned, I would not have thought that men thought like this but it seems they do. I get the attractive stuff but not the reproductive & other stuff. Very interesting.
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I loved this post! And the sense of humor.
I know, my trainer is always saying that women think they will bulk up and it' just isn't true! I also liked the part about the dead lift / 3 lb weights on the bosi ball. I always see women at the gym doing little weights and acting like they are fragile little china dolls. I just try and bust my ass as hard as I can and leave it all at the gym. Works for me...
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As a guy, I can say FJ's post is dead on even if some don't like to hear it. We all need to get healthy for ourselves -- not just for a mate. It's important to take pride in our appearances and take care of the body that was given to us.
The bottom line is looks attract but it's personality that we fall in love with. The woman who decides to let herself go has never had an attractive personality for me.
Men don't understand why some women could be attracted to those who have good paying jobs and stable careers. Isn't that shallow? No, as FJ points out, it's wisdom passed on by thousands of years worth of ancestors. In this tough economy, this is hard to swallow for a guy.
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Thank you for commenting from a man's view. I never would have thought this but I guess some guys do.
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