Continued - I Was Fat; Reasons for Losing Weight
Thursday, August 6, 2009
First I want to thank everyone for their comments yesterday. I really appreciated them all! I actually started that post to talk about why I first decided to lose weight & how I lost the weight & all the many things I did wrong along that way but as you saw, I got side tracked..... still part of the same subject matter but not what was intended for that day.
So, I thought I would continue on with this "story" rather than put it off until later which was my initial thought... thinking about my younger years sometimes gets me down. I did a lot of fun things but I also was left out of other things & quite honestly, how I felt about myself stopped me from doing certain things.
When I was looking for old pics, I actually came upon a postcard I had addressed to my mom way back in my early years. My class had gone to Washington DC for an 8th grade trip. The postcard read: "Dear mom, Having a crappy time. Love Jody". I never sent the postcard to my mom. I guess that sums up what being overweight did to me & how it can play with our minds. When I think back to it, I remember how self conscious I was about my weight & how I felt about myself & how I looked in clothes & what other people thought of me & what other people thought of how I looked... it went on & on. My way to deal with this was to pretend to be someone I was not.. be happy with friends, be the jokester, pretend to be all strong & such, ignore the mean things & laugh it off. I know many of you can relate to this & it does take its toll.
Before I get way off track which is easy with these types of stories, I will get to the point. I lost my weight in high school. It was the summer of sophomore to junior year. I decided I was tired of being fat, tired of feeling ugly, tired of being teased. I wanted to be able to look good in clothes & when I was out with friends. I wanted to date, I was tired of being the fat friend & feeling less than others, tired of pretending to be the happy one to make up for feeling like a fat slob inside. I wanted people to look at me & say she was cute & thin & all those immature & superficial reasons for losing weight.
First I want to thank everyone for their comments yesterday. I really appreciated them all! I actually started that post to talk about why I first decided to lose weight & how I lost the weight & all the many things I did wrong along that way but as you saw, I got side tracked..... still part of the same subject matter but not what was intended for that day.
So, I thought I would continue on with this "story" rather than put it off until later which was my initial thought... thinking about my younger years sometimes gets me down. I did a lot of fun things but I also was left out of other things & quite honestly, how I felt about myself stopped me from doing certain things.
When I was looking for old pics, I actually came upon a postcard I had addressed to my mom way back in my early years. My class had gone to Washington DC for an 8th grade trip. The postcard read: "Dear mom, Having a crappy time. Love Jody". I never sent the postcard to my mom. I guess that sums up what being overweight did to me & how it can play with our minds. When I think back to it, I remember how self conscious I was about my weight & how I felt about myself & how I looked in clothes & what other people thought of me & what other people thought of how I looked... it went on & on. My way to deal with this was to pretend to be someone I was not.. be happy with friends, be the jokester, pretend to be all strong & such, ignore the mean things & laugh it off. I know many of you can relate to this & it does take its toll.
Before I get way off track which is easy with these types of stories, I will get to the point. I lost my weight in high school. It was the summer of sophomore to junior year. I decided I was tired of being fat, tired of feeling ugly, tired of being teased. I wanted to be able to look good in clothes & when I was out with friends. I wanted to date, I was tired of being the fat friend & feeling less than others, tired of pretending to be the happy one to make up for feeling like a fat slob inside. I wanted people to look at me & say she was cute & thin & all those immature & superficial reasons for losing weight.
Actually, over at Cranky Fitness yesterday, Cranky put my thoughts into words: "Yet many of us, particularly women, may notice that this human tendency to want to fit in can lead to counter-productive behavior. Instead of encouraging ourselves and each other to be who we are, we all scramble to be the same person: slim and pretty and successful and happily married and not too shy or too loud or too big or too sarcastic or too lazy or too frantic or frivolous or serious or lazy or frumpy or spacey or demanding or too... anything! But, sad to say, particularly not too ugly or too fat. So we beat ourselves up for not being "enough" and compare ourselves to people who are totally different from us, and then we sometimes even gang up on others who act too "weird" or "don't take care of themselves" or otherwise fail to meet our arbitrary standards for what's acceptable. We know this is bullsh*t, right? But we live in a society that encourages it, and it's hard to fight it all the time and so sometimes we don't fight it at all." Read her full post at the link above."
Anyway, superficial reasons got me started BUT at least they got me started..... I actually just sat home all summer long that summer & lost close to 40 pounds! I went from eating everything I should not eat to eating ONLY healthier food than I was eating before. I cut out all the sweets & fat & all the "fun stuff" cold turkey! Did not even exercise that summer.. it was all food!
The understanding of exercise & really how to eat healthy came later. I say that because with all the compliments after I first lost weight, I did become obsessive about food, got too thin for a short while & then went to that "eat practically nothing but salads" and think that works.... NOT! My 20's, 30's and 40's all brought new exercise routines & better understanding of food.. most in my late 30's, 40's & even now!
The understanding of exercise & really how to eat healthy came later. I say that because with all the compliments after I first lost weight, I did become obsessive about food, got too thin for a short while & then went to that "eat practically nothing but salads" and think that works.... NOT! My 20's, 30's and 40's all brought new exercise routines & better understanding of food.. most in my late 30's, 40's & even now!
BUT, as you all know, I did not heal the mind. Yes, I loved all the compliments when I got back to school but I still did not like myself & still saw the fat kid. In fact, after high school, I pushed many of my very dear friends away because I finally decided that they should have known how unhappy I was & since they did not, I was done with them. I figured this out after the fact, obviously. VERY STUPID & IMMATURE THINKING BUT I WAS YOUNG. Recently I have established a friendship with one of those long lost friends again. It feels good. Thanks Terri for having a big enough heart to open it up to me after all those years! Again, a strong reason to fix the mind too! We do stupid things!!!!
FJ, from Flawless Fitness wrote in my comments this: THE FUTURE is what makes you! The vision you have is what makes you... because the future is like clay, it can be molded into what ever the hell you want. The past? The past can't change. It's like a rock. So let go of that rock. Throw it away into a lake... I think this will bring you the closure or change that you are seeking." ............. I am going to try & keep trying! Maybe this statement can help some of you too!
FJ, from Flawless Fitness wrote in my comments this: THE FUTURE is what makes you! The vision you have is what makes you... because the future is like clay, it can be molded into what ever the hell you want. The past? The past can't change. It's like a rock. So let go of that rock. Throw it away into a lake... I think this will bring you the closure or change that you are seeking." ............. I am going to try & keep trying! Maybe this statement can help some of you too!
Now, this post is getting too long again.... I have so much more to say on this story & my weight loss journey... I guess another post will come next week sometime about those 20, 30, 40 & now 50 year old years. Each brought a new understanding of "how to do it right, better & for what is right for me. Thx for listening & sharing!
Oh, the pics.... The very young one.... before I got fat & I guess I actually liked myself & the camera. That stopped in elementary school. I still do not like the camera. That stayed with me .. ask my family! 
The other pic, junior high with some of our many pets!!!!
I promise that tomorrow's post will be much more easy going!!!
The other pic, junior high with some of our many pets!!!!I promise that tomorrow's post will be much more easy going!!!
OH I MUST TELL YOU.... A GIVEAWAY. JOSIE OVER AT YUM YUCKY IS HAVING ONE!!!! CHECK IT OUT & ENTER TO WIN!!!!
I don't want to negate how you felt as a child or what you think you looked like, but I see these pictures and the words "fat" or "chubby" really don't jump into my mind. But I am learning and do agree that you AND me are getting better with age! oh yeah!
And how cool are those big, bold red letters! LOL
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Thx Josie! I guess I should have picked a better junior high pic but I love seeing the animals that are no longer with us! I did a lot of cover up with big shirts & stuff. I was not obese but was definitely overweight & then by high school about 40 pounds overweight for a very short person! I think we always see ourselves as worse then what we may be if we get teased & put down. AND YES, YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD!
Sis, Bethe... THX! You were always the thin one!
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Another wonderful post. Chubby and fat don't come to mind when I see the pics, either. Cute comes to mind. It has nothing to do with the fact that Jessica resembles you--hahaha!! (to Jody's readers, Jessica is my daughter).
I also like the FJ suggestion. I think I'll incorporate it as well!
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I had the same teen experience: seeing a chubby girl who just wasn't there. So I got on the diet roller coaster and didn't get off for 30 years.
Thanks for sharing your story.
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Yet another great post Jody! Love FJ's comment-the future IS what you make of it. Our pasts shape us to what we are today but we hold the key to the future. Thank you so much for sharing this story with all of us...
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thanks for letting us into your past, and helping us along with OUR futures! you rock Jody!!
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Jody - I still say you were extremely cute. But, I know that how you felt about yourself at the time was much more important than what any of us sees now.
I think that the fact you lost your weight in high school is really impressive. And then you turned your entire life around as it related to food and exercise.
You are to be commended all the way around. Thanks for sharing this!
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I started down some unhealthy paths because of wanting to fit in and be part of the group. Somehow, something always saved me. Lots of gratitude for that!
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I just love reading your life story. I can totally relate to those feelings as a child and putting on a mask that everything was ok and being the jokester.
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Hah well I'm definitely flattered. Good to see it resonated with you because it's a concept I've lived with for some time now.
Too many people live in the past for no apparent reason. Until a time machine is invented... I believe that's a god damn waste of life. >8)
Cheers.
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Thx to all once again! You guys are great!
FJ, seems like your comment yesterday resonated with a lot of my readers & they like it! We are all going to give it a try! THX!
Cher, so good to hear from you. I hope you are doing OK. Thinking about you & sending hugs!
Diane, yes, I did lose the weight in high school but a lot of "wrong" ways in there after that. I will write more about it as I continue this "series" about what I learned on this food/weight loss journey. I will post about my 20's, 30's, 40's and now 50's. Each decade brought something new & more learning!
Again, thx to all!
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