Clear the Baggage First!
Monday, June 15, 2009
I am a fan of What Not To Wear on the TLC network. The shows premise is that a family member or friend nominates a person that needs a clothes makeover. Once picked, the nominated person must go to New York City & shop per the rules of the hosts. They get $5000.00 to shop! The hosts throw away any & all clothes they think are not "right" for the person too! In addition, the person gets a hair cut & color (if needed) redo along with a total make-up makeover. What I really like about this show is that they pick people of all sizes, shapes, ages, gender & color. This is not just about taking a pretty person that does not know how to present themselves & then making her or him over. It is about taking people in general & empowering them to feel better about themselves.
This past Friday, the nominated lady was a divorced mom in her early 50's. Her daughter nominated her because she was still dressing even younger than her daughter & not really age appropriate. Meaning she was wearing extremely low cut blouses & showing off "the girls" that quite honestly needed to be covered more & she wore alot of "bedazzled" clothes, tight & leather pants & more. Now, saying this, some people her (my) age could have carried that off... but it really was not right for her.
The thing that really hit me though was that this poor lady was still not over her divorce & it was VERY OBVIOUS that she was still grieving from that. She also was not accepting that her body was no longer the same as when she was young & said numerous times that she wore big hair, big shoulder pads & flashy clothes because she thought it would make her look smaller (yes, she was overweight but not obese). She also mentioned too many times to count that she was doing things to please "the men" so she could date again or please anyone but herself!
I think this is a big problem in women (and men too but not as prevalent). Always wanting to please others, do for others, do what the man or others would like... Yes, it has changed over time & more women are empowered but many are not.
So, at the end of the show when they cut her hair shorter & she did look so much better & younger, but she could not accept it. She kept saying that men would not like it & she did not feel like a women & basically the whole makeover was turned upside down over her hair & how men would view her. She even called home to make sure no men would be at her reveal.
I guess what I am saying about this story is with makeovers or weight loss or any other major change, if the baggage is too heavy, clear it first so you can go at it with a clean slate & feel good about it and what you are doing for yourself! This is about you feeling better about you. You making healthy & better changes for yourself. All those good feelings will carry over to the other aspects of your life. If you are happier, than the kids, marriage or relationship will be better. YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST TO BE BETTER FOR THOSE YOU LOVE. CLEAR THE BAGGAGE & MOVE ON TO GREENER PASTURES!
You know, I am still thinking about this lady & how bad I feel for her. It was obvious from the beginning that the divorce and her feelings about herself and her self-worth were holding her back more than anything. Yes, the makeover would help BUT without clearing that divorce baggage, for her, it really took second place. In fact, after one month, she went back to her home hairdresser & made her put extensions in her hair until her real hair grew out. Still sad to me because she never really seemed happy before or after.
Have you cleared the baggage? What are your thoughts? Me, personally, I think one can make changes if the baggage is not too heavy but for major baggage, I think that has to go first. Agree? Disagree?
I am a fan of What Not To Wear on the TLC network. The shows premise is that a family member or friend nominates a person that needs a clothes makeover. Once picked, the nominated person must go to New York City & shop per the rules of the hosts. They get $5000.00 to shop! The hosts throw away any & all clothes they think are not "right" for the person too! In addition, the person gets a hair cut & color (if needed) redo along with a total make-up makeover. What I really like about this show is that they pick people of all sizes, shapes, ages, gender & color. This is not just about taking a pretty person that does not know how to present themselves & then making her or him over. It is about taking people in general & empowering them to feel better about themselves.This past Friday, the nominated lady was a divorced mom in her early 50's. Her daughter nominated her because she was still dressing even younger than her daughter & not really age appropriate. Meaning she was wearing extremely low cut blouses & showing off "the girls" that quite honestly needed to be covered more & she wore alot of "bedazzled" clothes, tight & leather pants & more. Now, saying this, some people her (my) age could have carried that off... but it really was not right for her.
The thing that really hit me though was that this poor lady was still not over her divorce & it was VERY OBVIOUS that she was still grieving from that. She also was not accepting that her body was no longer the same as when she was young & said numerous times that she wore big hair, big shoulder pads & flashy clothes because she thought it would make her look smaller (yes, she was overweight but not obese). She also mentioned too many times to count that she was doing things to please "the men" so she could date again or please anyone but herself!
I think this is a big problem in women (and men too but not as prevalent). Always wanting to please others, do for others, do what the man or others would like... Yes, it has changed over time & more women are empowered but many are not.
So, at the end of the show when they cut her hair shorter & she did look so much better & younger, but she could not accept it. She kept saying that men would not like it & she did not feel like a women & basically the whole makeover was turned upside down over her hair & how men would view her. She even called home to make sure no men would be at her reveal.
I guess what I am saying about this story is with makeovers or weight loss or any other major change, if the baggage is too heavy, clear it first so you can go at it with a clean slate & feel good about it and what you are doing for yourself! This is about you feeling better about you. You making healthy & better changes for yourself. All those good feelings will carry over to the other aspects of your life. If you are happier, than the kids, marriage or relationship will be better. YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST TO BE BETTER FOR THOSE YOU LOVE. CLEAR THE BAGGAGE & MOVE ON TO GREENER PASTURES!
You know, I am still thinking about this lady & how bad I feel for her. It was obvious from the beginning that the divorce and her feelings about herself and her self-worth were holding her back more than anything. Yes, the makeover would help BUT without clearing that divorce baggage, for her, it really took second place. In fact, after one month, she went back to her home hairdresser & made her put extensions in her hair until her real hair grew out. Still sad to me because she never really seemed happy before or after.
Have you cleared the baggage? What are your thoughts? Me, personally, I think one can make changes if the baggage is not too heavy but for major baggage, I think that has to go first. Agree? Disagree?
This is very sad. I think a lot of women's thoughts and attitudes towards men are rooted in how they came up as a child and into their teen years. Were they loved by their father? Was a male figure even around? Were they abused or treated well? This can get real deep. It's so important for a young lady to have a positive male influence so they can grow and have a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. There's so much dysfunction going on. I'm not totally blaming childhood for everything, but that is when young ladies are most impressionable. Baggage can run deep and go way, way back!
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FOR ME it was 100% about clearing the...not so much baggage....but decks
The same applied for me with regards to dressing up the vessel.
I might have looked like a million bucks (Ill never know as I couldnt "see" it) but until I felt, at my CORE, like a million bucks so to speak none of it mattered.
I do wonder, when I watch these shows, if Im not the norm.
It seems to me that for MANY people the first step to gathering the strength to clear the baggage is loving what they see in the mirror.
That liking their reflection helps them to be energized enough to being to sort through the "muck" (as my friends and I call it).
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That is really sad for this woman and her daughter as well. I really hope things can change for her and she can be happy with herself one day!
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Many people with excess baggage unfortunately don't know how to "let go" of it. Miz is right, you have to realize the issues before you can even start to make a change. A lot of people think you can just change (appearance, weight, etc) and then the problems will just fade away. When in fact, it only makes them worse!
It is very sad to see someone, especially on television, and knowing that is effecting her child
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Jody, I think you are right on!
And I too feel sad for that poor woman who seems to have a hole in her heart that she is trying to patch with her clothing, hairstyle, etc.
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I watched the same show and I totally agree with you!! I felt really sad for her. I loved her new hair and it's sad how she just couldn't see the new person she could become - someone with a fresh new look and a new start on life.
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That story is very sad. I wish I had seen the show. I guess it shows that 'what not to wear' style shows can't help everyone. Some internal problems need more help than just a make over on the outside.
I think for most women, a make over like they do on 'what not to wear' is a great boost to self esteem that helps them rise above problems they have. I love to watch that show and frequently shed a tear as I watch the women see themselves as beautiful and lovable.
Jody, this is my first time on your site. I love it! Thanks, Kellie
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a lot of it is internal. some need harsh reality to show them that it's not what the outside world thinks of them, it's what they think of themselves.
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Thx to all that commented on this post & for your very insightful words! I do think many things stem from childhood as Josie wrote but things along the way can effect us too. It can become so complex at times!
I admit I still have baggage but I have still been able to do the weight loss & healthy stuff because I feel good at it & when I do it. Complex, again!
A big HI to my couple new visitors, Robin & Kellie. Thx for stopping by!
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